Friday, March 29, 2013

What about Gay Marriage and Parenting?

This recent brouhaha in the USA culture over the legalization of gay marriage is to me another example of how uninformed the average person is to the difference in others...and how non-accepting we are of those differences. Most of us have no clue how many "gay people" make up our society, and we have grown up in a society that spurns sexual difference and strives to maintain "order" in society by defining what is normal for  individuals from a very early age. In many cases we are even taught to question the benefit of ANY sexual  desire or passion.  Somehow adults have learned to pass on the fears and misinformation of many past generations regarding sexuality on a ritualistic basis. Throw in religious and governmental controls to our bedrooms and you have a real problem knowing the truth behind anyone's sexual identity.

How many straight people are really gay...and how many gays are just "experimenting" or rebelling due to loneliness or ostracization?  We will probably never know. Still, in my life I have typically respected the gay who "comes out" more than I do one that is in self or social denial.  Some of the most screwed up people sexually I have known...and there have been a few...come from very religious and manipulated backgrounds...who on one hand have a hetero partner and kids while on the other side "secretly" pursue other types of liaisons. Many of these confused individuals turn into pedophiles or sex addicts because they can never come to grips with a centered "I'm OK you're OK" relationship to others...sexually or otherwise.

I don't pretend to know or completely understand the nature of gay sexuality.  I think as kids most people experienced a situation where they enjoyed physical contact with a person of their own sex.  Is this perverse or abnormal? I actually don't think so based on what I have read and some of my own experiences growing up.  Is it a conscious decision in our brains that dictates our persuasion?  Is it a genetic thing?  A psychological reaction in some form related to our siblings or mother relationships?  I have heard and read a variety of opinions or stories along those lines.  All I know for sure is that I have always been attracted to women...and while a few gay males found me attractive over the years for whatever reasons...I have not been even curious.  Yet, I do have to admit seeing two attractive Lesbians in love seems much more acceptable or "erotic" to me than two handsome men. Now, what is THAT all about? :)

I suppose many of you reading this might be a little squeamish about this discussion or wondering why I am bringing it up. What am I trying to SAY?  I know...you keep wondering if I might be coming out as gay or "Bi".  If I had a choice, between gay or bi-sexual...my decision would be definitely bi.  This tremendously increases the odds of finding a satisfying relationship or encounter if ANYONE was a candidate at an event. But hopefully it doesn't disappoint you too much when I say I am forever stuck on women.  And yes, I find women of all colors, religions, political parties or nationalities to be "beautiful in their own ways".  Yet, I do try to focus on one relationship at a time...though I admit to sometimes questioning the value of that as well. Its no reflection on whom I am with...but is there really ONE woman or person who can be and do EVERYTHING you would like them to be or do?

Yet...most of us for whatever reasons have a basic instinct for one to one committed relationships.  Even with some of my gay friends over the years (yes, I have had some successful friendships with gay men AND women), I have understood that they usually seek some identity in committed, monogamous relationships as an ideal...though in practice I really question how much monogamy is really going down.

The basis of this discussion for me comes back to my core observation that society has many "faces"...a lot of "smoke and mirrors".  We act out certain personages in society and daily life that for many of us conflict with the true nature of our selves.  We are one person to those who know us...but if we found ourselves on a new island full of mutually attractive men and women who didn't know us or our families and didn't know our religious claims or convictions...how might we act out over time in a totally new environmental reset of opportunity?  Have you ever asked yourself that honest question?

I have lived long enough to know some very fine gay people. Most of them are people of character, professional, with many similar interests that I have. Obviously our society should not allow for predatory behavior and especially of children regarding sexual activity or preference...but that goes for heteros or homosexuals. All mankind should be treated equally, even if I don't particularly share the tastes or preferences of others in sexual partners.

Based on these thoughts and observations, I find it very hard to support banning gay relationships or marriage even if it doesn't affect me one way or the other.  But I HAVE seen the effects of abusive, authoritarian, Victorian, ultra conservative hetero parenting in this world that in many cases has produced some tremendously weak, narrow minded and confused sexual adults...and who carry on the same traditions of biased and manipulating parenting for generations.  Do gay couples have any worse records of raising productive and adjusted children into solid, responsible adults in our society?  I'm not sure there is any data to support such a premise.  And I also tend to think "two mommies" or "two daddies" at home would be more secure for a child than one single mom or dad having to do it all themselves.

I know many of you will never see it that way...but I rest my case. Its time to come out of the "Dark Ages".

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