Gun Controls

With this hideous mass killing in Colorado of innocent attendees at a movie theatre...once again the press is making a field day of this tragedy. Somehow, when these mass shootings in the USA happen, many in the press start heaping the blame on guns. I would like to simply start by pointing out, guns are programmed or shot by...willful human beings. Guns are not the culprit...people are.

How is it in our human condition that in this day and age we have come to the point where we cannot confront our own insane behavior or mental conditions...and continue to take out our wrath on inanimate objects? If you carry this logic very far, you start questioning the legality of knives or even basic tools that are used in construction and everyday living. Hell, you might as well start outlawing all the bad foods that people eat that kill more people every year than guns. Since it seems so impossible for the average human to learn and use these things the right way, this mentality says we really should have bigger government to control our access to guns, knives, basic saws, screwdrivers and hammers we use in everyday life. After all...people die everyday from irresponsible use of all these objects.

If you question that, just think of all the loose nuts and bolts of faulty auto parts that have caused thousands of deaths in collapsed construction or auto accidents. I think we should outlaw the use of those tools that have been so irresponsibly used in construction. Also...robots. Robots...programmed by people...have caused systematic failure in certain assembly line goods that have led to hundreds of accidents and deaths. Gas systems have been faultily constructed so that they caused leaks that kill hundreds of people worldwide in recent years. We should outlaw those terrible robots...and the tools that made them...for the great anguish and pain they have caused the human race. I know you are thinking I am sounding ridiculous now...but how different is this than the mentality of the article referred to above?

From a legal argument...lets focus on this from another angle. One of the most common bumper stickers I have seen on this subject over decades has been ¨if we outlaw guns...only outlaws will have them¨. I personally find significant reason to this sentiment. Laws are passed usually to protect the law abiding. People who don´t care about law usually don`t care what the law says or means. Do we REALLY think outlawing guns will keep bad people from getting them? Come on...get real. ¨ Illegal¨ drugs have been illegal for decades...yet any of us can find these drugs on any major American city street-corner in 5 minutes...if we know the right neighborhood to look in. How is that working for us...apart from making the prison industry one of the fastest growing industries in the USA?

I know some other people in the USA who think that only police and military people...tied to the government...should be allowed to have guns. Hmmm...I guess the historic wars including the USA´s own civil war of the 1800s and War of Independence were meaningless in guaranteeing freedoms and independence of all Americans to have equal rights...including the right to self defense and to bear arms in defense of liberty and justice? Or...are we suddenly so irresponsible and careless that having a gun means we are going to kill someone or have to use it against another person? I would argue that a vast majority of guns are NEVER used...and when they are it is on paper targets or occasional game hunting excursions.

Finally, as crass as some of my Liberal friends will find this statement...I truly think guns in a society as crazy as the USA is a solid deterrent for what happened this week in Aurora Colorado. If I was caught in such a hellaceous cross fire...do you think I would hesitate to use a firearm in defense of myself or others in that theater? Not on your life. The perpetrator would deserve no mercy...nor get any.

And excuse me for saying...but I find it very hypocritical of any American to question the legal rights of owning and using firearms in self defense within our country, while supporting our troops use of guns in Iraq, Afghanistan, Pakistan or as we did historically here in Panama against foreign ¨enemies of State¨. We took the lives of thousands of innocent bystanders and citizens of these other countries. How are guns somehow more ¨moral¨ in those instances?

The morality of ¨firearms¨ to me is a very neutral topic. Like so many ¨things¨ in life...it is how these things are USED that determines their morality. Therefore, it is the intent and mentality behind them that is moral or immoral...not the object itself.

Am I saying I love guns or the idea of having to carry one? Absolutely not. My feeling about guns are about the same as a car or shovel in the garage. I can kill someone with either one of those possessions. That doesn`t mean shovels or cars are moral or immoral. Lets get our thinking caps on straight.

And finally, I DO think it is important to teach people how to use guns responsibly. I thankfully grew up in an age where hunting and guns were normal everyday realities. My Dad taught me how to fire one at about 10 or 11 years old...and my favorite memories with him were hunting trips in Northern Michigan's woods where I learned many arts of ¨survival¨. A friend and I used to take our rifles or shotguns to school in our cars back in the early 70s to go hunting right after school...sometimes with our Biology teacher. I imagine those days are forever gone. It is sad when guns are now so demonized when the demons are basically a few bad humans in our midst.

So, do I want to return to the days of the wild wild west not so long ago where everyone carried guns for self protection since there were no police around in those places? No...I am happy to let public servants like my nephew and a niece who are police officers carry the load on that front. Yet...I also believe all free citizens in a society should have the right to bear arms...as guaranteed in the USA constitution...even if from time to time they are used for hideous crimes or for taking out aggression. When those people come along...I for sure want my own firepower. And morally, I will not hesitate to shoot...as sad as that reality may be. To me that is more moral than being a helpless, unprepared victim.

Where is Cincinnatus?

I was reminded in an online conversation today of the historic Roman leader "Cincinnatus" who ruled Rome for two brief periods over 400 years BC. In this election year, while it is probably too late to hope for such an entity to enter the political arena anywhere in the world, I think it worthwhile to spend mind energy in search for such a leader. In an age where elections go to the most elite, or the leader who offers the most freebies to the electorate...we might want to consider where we can find this alternative type of leadership.

Cincinnatus...who has two USA cities named after him...was a "model of Roman virtue and simplicity". He was called upon by his fellow countrymen to lead them two times during invasions and circumstances of emergency. He answered the call as a lightening rod of leadership...and as soon as he restored law and order, he immediately gave up his power and returned to his simple and personal life. Why can't we find current politicians who have more of this service mentality?

I actually believe there are more "Cincinnatus'" living among us. The only problem is, our institutions and traditions do not allow these types of people to run for office. In the USA and other Western democracies...the only people that can run for office are those who have enough money...or are bought and paid for by those who do. People today have rabid religious zeal for their various political parties...and are blind to independents or even opposite party members who offer the best attributes and ideas to lead our country out of harms way. Everything is about movements, labels and affiliations...not about individual values, ideals and fortitude to stand up for what the individual deems to be right.

What is it that drives our "career" politicians in various countries to continue pursuing office? How many of them truly have a "servants" attitude towards their office versus standing for special interests and power itself? How many would willingly stand down if the majority of the citizens simply wanted them to? Not many I don't think.

Most current day conflicts such as Syria are caused by these tyrannous despot leaders who can think of no other life for themselves besides wielding dictatorial power and having their "time in the sun" of unbridled power and corruption. While we could applaud that changes are happening during this "Arab Spring" of revolt and revolution...we also must raise the question "who will replace the previous despot leaders?". Often times we see a country go from bad to WORSE when choosing or supporting their leadership. It definitely seems more and more difficult to find clean, democratic, non politically driven leaders in today's world...wherever you look.

I believe the USA...and other countries in the world...are in need for a Cincinnatus type leader. We need leaders who will serve without personal gain. We need leaders who have proven their efficiency and success in real life situations...not just in the systems and institutions we have made for governance. We need business leaders to lead our economy. We need moral leaders at the highest offices of our military who are not quick with the sword, or war-type spending. We need agricultural leaders to lead our country in food production and free market applications. We need intellectuals of the highest caliber in our court systems who are practical and fair. Politics as usual needs to go away.

We need leaders who represent service to the greater good, civic virtue, lack of personal ambition and modesty. Instead, the USA is lead by only 535 Congresspeople, 9 Supreme Court justices, a President and a Vice President. The only people not elected are the Supreme Court judges who are APPOINTED by the President for LIFE LONG service. It is scary that so few lead so many...and are also defacto leaders of the "free world" which is a huge responsibility most of them are NOT prepared for. In fact, many of our leaders have been convicted of crimes and misdemeanors that should prohibit some of them from ever serving.

I don't know where the modern day Cincinnatuses are in the world...but I have to believe they are out there somewhere. I HAVE to believe that...the alternative is too painful to consider.

Sad Realities

This weeks conviction of the pedophile, Jerry Sandusky, the Penn State football coach, is a small reflection of bigger issues and problems in our world's sexual psyche. This issue is far more pervasive than the average person wants to admit...and for many of us who have had direct experiences fending off unwanted sexual advances from sick people in our own families or circle of acquaintances...it brings up a number of bad memories and sad realities about our society and it's denial of even normal sexual appetites.

There seems to be an inherent tendency to block out or push away realities such as pedophilia. We have now seen hundreds of years of abuse in the Catholic church via skewed and ridiculous views on sex overall and denial of sexual gratification to priests, nuns and of other religious persuasions as well. There are VERY FEW cases of persecuted perpetrators relative to the immensity of the problem. This is GOLBAL denial.

I think puritanical and unrealistic religious teachings are at the core of these sick obsessions that seem to be so pervasive, especially among so many religious or "respected" members of our society. If you deny animals their instinctive drives, even the most basic forms of animal life will go a little nuts in their behavior. Is it any surprise a more advanced human species is going to act out in even greater, complicated ways their denied gratification? I am obviously not defending pedophiles...but as usual I always try to get down to the bottom of why people do these things...the cause and effect that I believe is there. Yet, there comes a time when you have to protect the innocent from the realities of this un-treatable condition called "Pedophilia"

I still sometimes wonder personally why I at such a young age would "block out" the attempts a family member made on me and still like him "normally" for so many years? What is it about our young psyches that doesn't allow us to confront or report these kinds of actions to our parents or other loved ones? What makes us think it is so "dirty" or incomprehensible that we should bury such experiences in some dark corner of our young minds? I sometimes think maybe we are just trying to protect our own innocence and not give up our childhood fantasies of peace and tranquility too soon. It is tough even for adults to be honest about their sexuality. Why should we expect kids to be any more honest or up front? Yet, this natural "coverup" just continues to encourage the behavior in those so inclined. Its amazing with how many and for how long these perpetrators get away with their actions. It seems to be a case of institutional "denial".

I applaud all the young men who had to come forward and reveal all these nasty past secrets with Sandusky. While it was understandably his only plausible defense, I am amazed that even with the vast number of complaints against him...over 48 counts of which he is convicted of 45...that Sanusky can still claim innocence and that he is being "framed" by all these disparate young men from his past. I saw this in my own experience where the perpetrator, even when confronted with a variety of victims, could not admit or see himself at fault. Unfortunately, this is a very normal state of mind in the history of studying pedophiles.

There is another sad reality to all of this. Physical contact is a very base need in the human condition. Babies and children who grow up with lots of attention and physical affection tend to become more secure, open and caring individuals. At least this has been my reading and personal observation over the decades. People who DON'T get touch and affection tend to have many problems socially and even sexually. I have grown to appreciate those cultures, mostly European and African, who develop without obsessions about nudity or guilt about natural normal sex. In many parts of the world societies are much more open or unconscious about nudity and sexuality. While I'm sure they have their occasional run-ins with deviant behaviors, I have a feeling they are much more direct about how they deal with that. In our more puritanical cultures of Western Civilization, we tend to hype and focus on the occasional exposure to sex and nudity...an obsession if you will. We take great delight in living through the experiences and "secret lives" of others.

The saddest reality of this theme is that because of bringing to justice these coaches, priests and other high profile individuals who have come into the light...we will now have a new "obsession" about pedophiles. Even affectionate parents will find their actions being scrutinized by strangers around them.

Of course I am applauding the verdict while still appalled at the number of people and Sandusky himself who continue to deny deny deny. Sadly, now millions of people will not be comfortable with grown or older men getting close to their children, physically or otherwise. I for one have always gotten along well with children and have been physical with them at times in wrestling and rough housing as was common when I was a child. Kids eat it up once they trust you. Yet, there have been a couple times where I sensed friends being uncomfortable with my hugging or wrestling with their kids...primarily I believe because of all these people now being outed. I find myself purposely guarding my contact with kids so as not to make people uncomfortable...even though I believe kids need, and it is natural to want, touch and affection. Unfortunately, these people like Sandusky have caused the world to become a more frigid, guarded place to live in. Another sad reality among many in these modern times.

Its how you Finish...

Lately I have been noticing a lot of "come from behind" victories in various sports...and even in yesterday's Belmont Stakes horse race. In the horse racing world we saw the winner of the Kentucky Derby and Preakness, "I'll Have Another", denied a chance to be a "triple crown" winner by being hobbled the last week by a career ending ligament injury. While this is an unfortunate example of how fate often intervenes with potential history making accomplishments, it goes to show how even in the horse world ones health is always the "wild card" in determining if we can accomplish all we set out to do.

In the Belmont race yesterday, it appeared "Paynter" was in control from the start only to have "Union Rags" come from behind in the final quarter to win by a neck. The Belmont is the longest track in the triple crown at 1.5 miles and to that extent favors the distance runner over the sprinter. As I've gone through life I have time and time again noticed how many of us are great at "sprinting". We look good in short spurts, but when it comes to planning or pacing ourselves for the long haul...we tend to fail miserably. It appeared that Paynter ran out of gas on the home stretch compared to Union Rags who came on strong at the end. It's how you finish that counts in most races.

I consider myself a "late bloomer" in many things. I have felt moderate satisfaction in various challenges I have taken on in life, but never have felt I had my big "home run" moment with the bases loaded. Many of my goals and pursuits have come to me relatively late in life. I finally settled into a mutually satisfying long term relationship with a woman in my late 40s. I finally found "home" in Latin America in the past decade. I am just now getting serious and focused about a "retirement plan" in my mid 50s. In many things I am in a late life sprint towards reaching my potential...and I plan to finish STRONG!

I have seen and admired many "sprinters" in my life. You know...the people who initially or immediately impress you with almost fanatical passion for what they are trying to do in life. They are like a blur of motion and conditioning, seemingly unstoppable in their quest for life domination. Yet, sooner or later, many of these people get tired of the race, take their eyes off the goal and simply fade into almost non relevancy. You see many people as they age saying "if only I..." or "it is too late now, but I would have loved to...". Many of these people have too prematurely submitted their wills to public perceptions or fates that aren't necessarily finalized yet. Who says you can't find personal or economic success in your 60s or 70s? Who says you can't find love in your waning years? Who says you have to retire at 65 or some other perceived milestone?

I have often found encouragement in articles or lists of people such as THIS ONE who either made their success in the later decades or overcame many failures before finally succeeding. Since I have had my share of failures or MODERATE successes, I would obviously find these stories stimulating to keep me going at times. After all, I have always favored the following two quotes on the subject...

The only real failure in life is the failure to try.

There are no failures – just experiences and your reactions to them.

Most everyone gets off to a bad start in life. We tend to be surrounded by friends, family and societies who try and tell us what we CAN'T or SHOULDN'T do. They try and tell us how ordinary and "bad" we are for not fitting in or wanting our own way. "No" is usually the first word many babies learn in life. For many of us it takes DECADES to overcome the devastation of our negative programming...and most never fully recover from it.

I am happy to say that I have found a number of people in my life who are super productive and passionate about life and what they are doing...even in their 60s and 70s. I play tennis with a couple guys who have completed 80 and still play a tough game. The idea is to never give up on your realistic goals or passions. If you stop using it, you will lose it... that's one of my mottos as well.

Life is about energy, inertia and motion. When we stop living, we start dying...and its not a pretty sight. So...from the nucleus of our beings...let’s all determine to finish strong...going out in a flame of fire or desire. After all, that's how most good stories end...a courageous FINISH.

Credit for Excellence...

The highlight of my Sunday was watching Tiger Woods birdie three of the final four holes of the Memorial Tournament to win his second tournament of this year. The drama and irony of his win struck my fancy from many angles. There are many life lessons to be learned in observing this phenomenon.

Anyone who has attempted to play golf will understand the difficulty and significance of playing the game at a level where you can beat the best in the world more than once in a season. Golf is an individual sport. There is no one besides yourself that you can blame or give credit for your results. To play at the highest levels demands the greatest discipline, focus, talent...and yes, some perceived luck. Luck that you had the opportunity to ever learn the game. Luck to have the money and background it often takes to play the game. But, as I have always believed, “Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity.”

I have written on this blog before of my continued admiration and support of Tiger Woods even though he has obviously shown himself to be an imperfect man...just like the rest of us. While he has been forced or chosen to live his life in the public eye due to his talent and competitiveness, he continues to do so with little apparent shame or excuses. His excellence has made him a lightning rod for criticism...and in some cases outright hatred. The venom I read and observed from the revelations that his marriage and fidelity levels were at a lower level than his golf game had me often shaking my head in wonderment at the fleeting value of fame and fortune. My how we humans love to shoot our own wounded...especially the ones we used to have on a pedestal.

I understand the public reaction to some degree. Society puts a lot of pressure on people to live up to certain standards that are oft times impossible to maintain. Many of us grow up living our lives to the expectations of others...our parents, families, friends and society as a whole. Very few of us ever get to the point in life where we can afford in our psyche to say "f--k that" and do what WE want to do. I have personally felt for Tiger as he has had to handle the reactions and opinions on a worldwide scale to his personal life. He has been betrayed by friends and fans alike who have criticized and kicked him when he was at his most vulnerable, weakest moment. The problem is that he went along with the sponsors and promoters in the world of golf who used his image and paid him mega millions based on his excellence, his competitive spirit, his dazzling smile...and as an example of a perceived "minority" being the best at something the world values highly. He actively promoted this image so should not be so surprised that the common people were hugely disappointed and even angry when they found out their hero was NOT perfect and was in fact acting out his "lower nature" much to our chagrin. My how we humans love illusion but hate reality...

I now predict that if Tiger Woods continues restoring his focus and winning ways, he will become even more beloved than when he was a 20 something year old multimillionaire with a beautiful blonde wife and a mega-yacht. He now has the potential to become the example of a fallen star who came back and made even more of himself than we ever thought he could. Having tried to play golf in my life, I am in awe that in such a reasonably short time Tiger could rebound from his personal tragedies of domestic failure and physical injuries, reinvent his swing, and by sheer determination return to dominate a sport that is nearly impossible to dominate. It must have been especially sweet for him to do this at Jack Nicklaus' tournament and nearing Jacks record career tournament win number at 36 years of age...almost a decade sooner than Jack did it. I would also argue that today's field of great golfers is much larger and in better shape than the golfers of just 20 years ago. I shake my head in wonder at this feat.

As I have reflected on myself in view of this subject, I continue gaining personal understanding and insight into my life. While I admire excellence in golf, music, tennis, writing, business and many walks of life...I see myself as a moderately advantaged guy for my age who has never really been the BEST in anything. Like most of us, I admire the best but have never had the vision, discipline or focus to BE the best. In some ways I see this as a blessing. I have to this point lived a life full of variety. I have always had many interests...music, sports, business, people, animals, travel...and to a degree have probably had my own share of ADD (attention deficit disorder). If I get bored with something, it loses my attention and I move on quickly to something else. To be the BEST at something would have required sacrifice of other fulfilling interests or experiences in my life. I really have few regrets apart from bunches of money lost here and there along the way.

I have had my share of ups and downs in life. I have overcome a few obstacles that have been in my way at times...and I have recovered from some significant failures. Yet, I pride myself in that I have never stopped pushing forward and spent little time looking BACKward or being bitter at fate. I continue to value friends and experiences of the past, but I mostly judge myself by what I will accomplish in the future.

Excellence is a demanding goal whether it be in sports, relationships or in business. I admire it wherever I see it...and I fortunately am surrounded by people in my life who are achievers. Excellence is all around me, and I am letting it rub off and inspire me.

Its only Pain...

This blog might be considered almost a trilogy with the past two blogs on "writing our own story" and dealing with depression or "losing hope". All enthralling stories (and lives) involve drama and anxiety of some kind or dark times dealing with PAIN.

PAIN typically is unpleasant, but often it serves a positive purpose. When we are children, it is pain that teaches us not to put our fingers close to the fire or stay out in they sun for too long. As teenagers, we learn the pain of rejection which forces us to consider how we will identify ourselves against "the crowd" and address our individuality. As young adults many of us learn the ill effects of overindulgence in recreational party activities which can bring head or body aches. As we grow older, we begin experiencing the loss of grandparents or parents which pain of loss reminds us of our own mortality.

In all these cases pain is the experience that teaches us and reminds us we are still alive and feeling. Without pain we would basically be zombies running around the planet without purpose or care...oblivious to the results of cause and effect as we make choices and pay the consequences of those choices.

Pain tells us when we have done something wrong. Pain warns us when we have stretched our physical limits beyond reason. Pain sometimes reveals to us how much we cared...often more than we consciously thought.

How we deal with or manage pain determines much of our success in this life. Some people get so caught up in their pain that they cannot think of anything beyond it while others run full blast through their literal or figurative pain as if it was not there. It is always admirable to us when we observe someone persevere or thrive on their pain. We have all witnessed the miraculous comeback of a sports figure who somehow plays and excels while injured...while others quickly crumble and give in to the pain as a debilitator. Some of us have a higher threshold than others when it comes to pain. It has been my observation...and experience...that when we decide to or are pressed to...we can accomplish a lot even during injurious periods of our lives. As the old saying goes..."mind over matter" sometimes works. Sometimes pain is a motivator...whether that is to succeed or to sometimes "get even".

Overall, pain is a good thing as long as we don't ignore it or allow it undo control in our lives. Usually we need to do something in reaction to pain. We have to rest or rehabilitate a body part that may be over-stressed by our activities. If we have a cough or unusual aches in our bodies, it is often a sign that it is time to see a doctor and find out what is wrong with us. We may need to give up some of our bad habits to escape pain.

When it comes to painful relationships, it is often times more difficult to be rationale or understanding about what is causing the pain. Sometimes we have unreasonable expectations of other people...holding them to standards they can never maintain. Other times we feel pain when someone we are attracted to do not reciprocate our interest. Like that blues ballad..."I can't make you love me if you don't...You cant make your heart feel something it won't"...

One could argue that a life without pain would be tremendously vacuous. Many sayings such as "no pain, no gain" support the concept that we cannot get ahead in life or relationships without taking risks. It is painful to lose money you risked in a business or investment. It is also painful to end up with nothing out of a relationship that you invested years in. While pain of loss in either sentiment is no fun...it can be very instructive as to what we should NOT do again. As long as we learn from pain and not let it overcome us, we will grow from it. Pain can be GOOD!

If we begin to understand and embrace pain as our lifelong instructor, we can then begin to push our boundaries either self imposed or imposed by others and push through the pain to self understanding and enlightenment. It is good to know our limits...and we will never know them until we push them and pain tells us where we are at. We will never know love or passion to any great extent until we have been through a number of relationships that helped advise us who was compatible and who was not. Some of us are gluttons for punishment, putting ourselves in the same situations or relationships time and time again. I guess that is one way of dealing with pain...but I might suggest that pain should not be a CONSTANT condition in life. There comes a time where you settle for your limits or put borders up against certain people or experiences in the future. Pain is often a choice.

After my last blog about "Losing Hope", I was instructed by a couple different people that many depressed people who are in pain have nothing to do with it. It seems to be hereditary in many cases and for some only controlled by pharmaceuticals. I accept this as fact, yet I still continue to believe in the minds potential to learn how to channel these emotions and control them to a certain extent. The pain is there...but the more we share it and try to understand it...the better chance I believe we have of dealing with and categorizing the pain. The sooner we recognize it for what it is...the sooner we can let pain do positive things for us...just as long as we don't totally succumb to an ideology that pain will always be with us...or also the opposite...that we should avoid pain at all costs. Both of those concepts can tremendously limit us in this life.

When one understands pain, one begins to understand people's escape into alcohol, food, drugs, sex and other such activities. While these habits can be addictive, I think many find those experiences to be the only way to get temporary relief...from their pain. I find it amazing how our institutions want to put people in jail...for simply trying to escape their painful realities. It is a travesty that our modern day institutional and even religious morality is to criminalize hurting people versus helping them. Sometimes its good to take a break from pain. So...in moderation...I recommend we eat, drink and be merry. After all...its only PAIN!

Losing Hope

I have had a couple friends over the years end their own lives at a fairly early stage in life. I have had other friends that have expressed that they went through periods...or periodically think about... ending their lives at their own discretion.

Decades ago I read some psychology books on suicide...cause and effect...symptoms...how to handle signs when you see them. I think I have forgotten some of the crucial points learned back then...but having dealt with my share of death this past year within my family and friends, I realize it is probably important to get back in touch with this subject and how I feel about it.

Many people who contemplate suicide are people who are terminally ill, or terminally depressed. I guess many people in our world fight depression all their lives. Many people are "manic depressive", more commonly now known as "bipolar disorder". I have met a number of these people throughout my life. Some of them you will never recognize their struggles unless you spend a long period of time with them. Some of these people are on what I call "happy pills"...pharmaceuticals that alter the state of the mind...chemical adjustment is how I see it. While it can be amazing to see the affect of such drugs and treatment, one still has to wonder what the origin of this condition is and if it can be treated by pure "will power" and reason. I'm sure it is easier to suggest it than to do it...but somehow I still believe we have a choice over time how our mind works and what we focus on. Some of us have more strength and predetermination to fight depression or negative thinking than others. Still, I have to believe it starts at early stages in our lives of how we were brought up to think about ourselves and the world around us.

There are also probably multi-generational attributes that contribute to causing imbalanced thinking that leads to imbalanced emotions. My experience is that thought leads to emotions versus the other way around...so theoretically we should be able to control our emotions...and actions stemming from emotions...if we have enough mind power and discipline to do so.

Of course, the other wild card when we observe these traits in others is that we often don't know their backgrounds or how they were raised. While we tend to be quick to criticize or down people with depression or mental disorders...my theory has always been that we have no right to judge these people in light of the fact we haven't walked in their shoes or been through the things they have been through. And at the end of the day, one can never totally know another person's emotional content apart from that which they are willing to share with us. Some people are very outwardly bi-polar while others hide it a bit more effectively. Still...I would suggest it is much more prevalent than most of us are willing to admit.

There are a number of options to us on how we can handle people in our lives who are depressive...or even suicidal. Here are just a few options to consider...and all have their reasonable pros and cons...

Ignore it and it/they will go away...we can elect to ignore and distance ourselves from people who exhibit frequent depression or mood swings. This is probably the "safest" route if we want to insulate ourselves from dealing with the fallout from these relationships...fights, arguments, irrational conversations, or ultimately dealing with their early departure from our lives.

I'm OK, You're OK...I read a book by that title in the 70s...and basically it encouraged us to view each other as humans and deal with each other in a "transactional" sense. This approach helps us understand each other based on perceived roles within ourselves of parent, child and other traits that never leave us even as we age. Some people never escape childish reactions to life. Many of us continue to sulk or withdraw like a child when things don't go our way. Unfortunately, this can lead to extreme self destructive, anti social behaviors that can cause much duress in this life. Sometimes we may need to continue dealing with the "child" within all of us.

I SUCK, you SUCK...this was George Carlins parody spiel on the same theme. Basically his mode of thinking is that we are all ****ed up in one fashion or another. A majority of people are NOT in control of their own destinies... but maybe...just maybe...the people who end their lives at their own time and way are actually the most brave and strong...even in their weakness. I do think that people who take their end into their own hands are saying something to the rest of us. Basically, I always read it as I have had enough of you...or "I don't care anymore". The "I don't care" starts with self...and then transfers to others.

All in all, I think it extremely sad when someone takes their own life. With a terminal disease, I can definitely understand and accept the persons decision. When it is simply based on loss of hope, well, I actually feel disappointment and anger at the person.

I recently lost a friend who was younger than me who finally submitted to and ended his depression drastically. I had seen SOME signs that he was stressed and a bit out of sorts with a number of circumstances in his life, but I had no idea he was up to what he did. Upon hearing the sad news, I was at first shocked, then sad, and at the end...even at his funeral...angry with him that he would do this. His wife and family apparently had no forewarning of his intentions. This person was in my opinion an attractive man, wonderful personality, liked by everyone I knew in common with him. Yet, apparently he was struggling with some quiet demons and in the end lost all hope of overcoming them.

It appears a classic example of suicidal people. Those who TALK about doing it probably won't. Those who quietly contemplate or secretly fantasize about doing it are the most likely to follow through. Of course, he no longer has to care or worry about what I or anyone else thinks or feels about it. I don't think he believed in a "beyond", so I don't think he had any illusions or fantasies about some life "on the other side". The way I read it is he preferred the nothingness or mystery of death over the challenges, pains and pressures of the life he knew. Even with the people closest to us, we never quite know for sure what they are thinking or feeling sometimes. Perhaps we never know when a positive or good word...even a gesture or a hug...might bring renewed meaning and hope to someone near to us. If it would be that simple, I would be glad to hug my friend for hours or days if it were to be enough to see him through whatever dark storm he was going through. But alas, he never asked me for help or a hug...and I never thought to offer it.

Ultimately, I think life is about maintaining faith and hope in a positive future. I think it is about hoping and believing in the best of people versus always looking at their dark side or weaknesses. And finally, it is about staying true to ourselves so that we never lose our self definition of goodness and positiveness that can better get us through those sometimes "dark nights".

I am glad my friend is no longer suffering...but I am still angry at the waste when I think of all the joy and meaning he brought to his friends and family...which will be no longer.