Today is the first anniversary of my marriage. The relationship began and grew long before the wedding date...but it's still nice to have a special day to commemorate one of life's most important commitments...marriage.
Those who know me know I am probably not the most traditional or romantic guy. I am admittedly hard on relationships because I am quite independent, live according to my own goals and passions, and I guess... I'll just repeat...not too much into "traditions" as a way of life. I also have high expectations of women, because I come from a family of very strong, self sustaining women...and I grew up with them. So...I don’t understand nor am very sensitive to "insecure", dependent, whiny female creatures. What complicates things further is that while "untraditional"...I do tend to be conservative in respect to male and female roles. I think feminism as a "cause" has hurt females in many ways, has caused a lot of confusion for men on how women think and want to be treated...and probably more importantly has been a significant cause of the breakdown of family values. I dont think women should try to be men...nor vice versa. I think when people have children, the best case scenario is to have one of the parents, preferably the mother, focused on raising them and sustaining the home. I think most women want a strong man in their life to bring support, security and comfort...and security for their children. And I think if men can live up to those expectations in a respectful manner, women will normally be true and supportive of them. At the same time, women ARE equal if not superior to men in many ways that are natural and helpful. So hopefully everyone understand that while I dont admire "feminism" as a movement and ideal...I do believe in equality between the sexes. I just support role differences. I preface with all that to say...I think I finally have found the perfect woman for me.
After a number of false starts...and during a time when I was absolutely NOT looking for a long term relationship...this woman walked into my life. I had seen her once across a public room a year before I met...our eyes made contact...and somehow she walked into my life almost a year later. Call it "Gods will", fate, luck...what have you...I'll take it. We had both been divorced almost at the same time two years earlier...and we both had our individual plans and adventures planned ahead. But, when we met...everything changed. We came from different backgrounds (she Latina, Catholic, youngest in her family...me "Gringo", non-Catholic, oldest in my small family), but somehow we connected on what I will call a "spiritual" level...which I also believe shows itself well in intimacy. We talked easily together even in my 90% Spanish and her limited English (which has gotten much better)...and we just melded together quickly and for a long "incubation" period to test the durability and reality of our situation. Now going over 6 years later, I would say we have had few major arguments, have lived through a number of ups and downs together...and weathered them all with our heads held high and integrity in place.
Today, I count myself a lucky man. I have a female partner who has demonstrated unconditional love for me time and time again. She lets me be me, knows she has the freedom to be herself, and we are growing TOGETHER in many ways. Our lives are an adventure together. I don’t recall one day in these many years...even on her worst day...that she hasn’t smiled at me. That smile and warmth you cannot make or buy in a person.
Neither of us is perfect. We both realize each others limitations...and I think the secret is ACCEPTING those limitations and loving even the imperfections. The sooner we learn no one is perfect, the sooner we will find mutually acceptable love.
So...as we prepare to leave for our anniversary night "out on the town"...I send out this message to my wife, and share it with my friends and family who read this blog. Happy Anniversary Bibi! I am learning and loving you more as each year passes.