As the years fly by...

As I approach another birthday this Wednesday, it brings to mind a few birthday thoughts...both positive and negative.

A few of the positive ones would be:

Whew...made it through another year in relatively good health with life and limbs intact...

Its nice to have friends and family who want to do something for or with you at least once a year...

Hopefully I have a few more insights from this past year's experiences and reading accomplishments to help me keep piecing it all together...

You're only as old as you feel or the girl you sleep with...in those respects...doin GOOD...

BUT then a few negative thoughts lurk into the forefront as well:

I am LOOKING older this year and too many people are guessing my age and calling me "sir"...

Where did these past 50+ years go? I want to start over...

Hmmm...what about those retirement funds...

Being on the backside of an average lifespan, I don't have time for this _ _ _ _ !

It is nice to think as you get older that you have learned a few things and have more experience to fall back on. Hopefully you won't repeat any of your significant mistakes or errors in judgment. Yet, you also find people calling you "over qualified" or not wanting to hire you because you may be too opinionated or stuck in your ways...and you suddenly realize that yes, you are getting a bit more opinionated and locked into your own manner and style. You're not much of a "team player" and you don't really care about flexing with public opinion or new styles.

You sleep less and dream more. Hopefully you are still DOING some of the things you are dreaming about...but reality is some of those dreams just need to be filed away to "nice idea but not likely".

And you start losing relatives and friends who meant a lot to you to the "dark angel"...and each time that happens it reminds you of your own mortality. You start blessing each new day more..and cursing each interruption to that day more as well.

You also find yourself more nostalgic and wondering what some of your old friends and family you haven't seen in years are doing...what became of them? Some of them have even managed to pass away without your knowing. How rude (of you or them).

So now I have a few more value judgments to make. Every decision going forward is more and more crucial because I have less time to recover or make up for mistakes. I'm a die hard risk taker...but I owe it to myself and my partner to store up for that potentially long winter of diminishing returns.

Its also confusing to decide whether I should stop and smell the roses more, or run as fast and as far as I can in pursuit of all the dreams that have as yet eluded me but still drive me. I don't know...is it better to flame out, or coast out to the great beyond?

Ah...so many thoughts and decisions thrust upon me just because its my birthday and everyone is measuring things more than I am. At least I will be spending it doing what I love...making music...and probably drinking a few more tequilas than usual...while I still can.